Laker Fans

As if you weren't bored enough of Kobe gossip, I'm going to weigh in on the issue.

The only reason is because I listen to Laker fans all day long try to justify why they shouldn't trade Kobe and I'm tired of the desperation bullshit that is being spewed.

Not once have I heard a Laker fan say "Our team is shit with Kobe, so without Kobe we'd be diarrhea."

Because that's the straight up fact.

The Lakers suck with Kobe and without Kobe, they will suck harder, longer, and deeper.

The only people that are really acknowledging this is the management of the Lakers, who haven't traded him yet.

But Laker fans? No, that's not what they say.



Take for example this conversation I had to listen to in the locker room of the L.A. Fitness in Hollywood:

Laker fan #1: "The Lakers could be a contender if everyone played to their potential. If Lamar (Odom) stays healthy, he can put up 20 and 10 every night."

Laker fan #2: "That's what I'm saying! We don't need to trade Kobe! D-Fish can be a lock down guard, he can stop anyone on defense."

Please, STFU.

Do these people understand that (1) Kobe doesn't want to play for the Lakers anymore and (2) Lamar is never going to put up 20/10 a night and (3) D-Fish can't lock down Jordan Farmar in practice. I got love for D-Fish but he's washed up.

The relationship between Laker fans and Kobe reminds me of one of my girlfriends. Let's compare:

1a. Kobe: demanded Shaq be traded.
1b. Me: I told her I didn't want to be in a relationship.
2a. Kobe: After they had already traded Shaq, Kobe still looked at signing with the Clippers and other teams.
2b. Me: After we finally were an official couple, I still told her that I had a lot of female friends that I wanted to hang out with...without her.
3a. Kobe: Told Stephen A. Smith that he demanded to be traded.
3b. Me: Had tons of comments from chicks on my myspace page.
4a. Kobe: Took his comments back the next day and said he was a "Laker for life."
4b. Me: Told my ex they were just friends, but closed my myspace page.
5a. Kobe: Again asked for a trade.
5b. Me: Got caught cheating.
6a. Kobe: Scored 82 points and captured the hearts of his fans forever.
6b. Me: Took a week-long vacation with my ex and captured her heart forever.
7a. Lakers fans: Stuck with Kobe even though he obviously doesn't want to play for the Lakers.
7b. My ex: Stuck with me, even though I clearly didn't want to be in a relationship.
8a. Laker fans: Continue to come up with reasons why Kobe should stay, such as the team will get better and the young talent will develop.
8b. My ex: Continued to come up with reasons why we should stay together, we can work through our problems and improve our relationship even though it was damaged forever and she would never be able to trust me again.

I don't even think I'm making a stretch. It's gotten that bad. A friend of mine made a good point that Jerry Buss is a smart businessman and that's the only reason it's taking so long to get rid of Kobe--Kobe sells. No matter how much better the Lakers get (or worse), they probably won't sell nearly as much merchandise as Kobe sells.

I hate to break this to Lakers fans, but Kobe is out of here. The only thing you can do is hope that you get something in return for him.

Your topic of conversation needs to change from "why we should keep Kobe" to "I hope we can get someone decent for Kobe and wtf will I do when he's gone, I need to start preapring emotionally now," because he's gone.

He has cheated on you and he does not want to be with you. Even if he stays for this season, he will do the same thing before next season and eventually you will hate yourself for loving him.

You will spend late nights crying over him, wondering why he couldn't love you back when you gave your heart to him.

When he was in troubled times, you stuck with him. He raped a girl and you still had his back. You took him into your home and bought his new jersey.

He got rid of your championship player (Shaq) and you stuck with him, telling yourself that he would bring another championship by himself. He never came through but you still thought he could do it with the likes of Kwame Brown and Smush Parker at his side.

He even said he didn't want to be with you anymore but you refused to believe him, you wouldn't let him go. He just looked too good in that purple and gold. But he doesn't want you.

Stop trying to justify your relationship and why it should remain in tact, because it won't. Just like my ex, you are only prolonging your heart break. Give it up, he doesn't love you anymore.