Bank Shots, Diablo and Cowboy

I had quite a weekend.

For a weekend with no major events, it was a lot of fun.

Friday Night.

Friday night I went out with my guy Ike again. Last week we went to a place called "Facade" in Hollywood and it was way above average for a Hollywood Club (which is saying a lot). This Friday it wasn't bad, but nowhere near the level of basketball that was played last Friday.

Huh? Basketball?

Yes, basketball. Please follow.

In our moments of evaluating the "talent" on the "court," Ike and I came up with a great rating system.

When you're out at the club, there are "lay-ups," "bank shots," "free throws," "three pointers," and then the "buzzer beater half-court shot."

If you're still lost in the sauce, a "buzzer beater half-court shot" is going for the impossible. In this context, it would be trying to talk to a dime (she's top of the line) that is holding hands with her man. You know you're probably not going to make it but you still have to take the shot (okay you don't have to but if you're willing to put your life on the line to win the game, you might take the shot).

Now if she wasn't holding a guy's hand, she'd be an NBA three-pointer. Follow now?

So Friday night I was 1-2 with my bank shots, 0-1 from three-point range and 1-2 with my free throws. I also had an assist but I think Ike missed the jumper at the bar. I would've went for the rebound but I was already guarding her teammate.

Ike took a buzzer beater when we were leaving and I think he air balled but I have to give him some props for taking that shot because it was a true miracle in the making if he would have made it. It was one of those shots where you knew it wasn't going in but you just wanted it to go in so that you could say you saw it.

I just remembered something else about Friday night. Let me see how quickly I can get this out. Until he moved out recently, Big Time and I had been living in our apartment for about three years. Well about two years ago Big Time woke up and discovered that the girl in the apartment building across from us goes outside at about 5 a.m. and has phone sex. I never actually heard it, but apparently he heard her doing it several times. This is kind of interesting to two young men as you can imagine. So we always hoped to see what she looked like. We finally found out and she was a....lay-up. Very disappointing.

Then last year Big Time comes in and is like "Phone Sex just cussed me out! I saw her outside and she was saying 'Fuck You! Get away from me!' for no reason." We both thought she must've mistaken him for someone.

Anyways, on Friday evening I was walking down the block to get some gum before Ike came to get me and who is sitting outside but Phone Sex. She's crouched against the wall looking crazy and I'm somewhat intrigued by her so I ask her what she's doing. She starts talking FOREVER about how she's paranoid because after 9-11 all this stuff happened (she's from the Middle East) and now she hates guys and cusses everyone out and calls people honkeys and n**g*rs and she keeps going on about all this hostility she has. She talked for 30 minutes about how crazy she was and I had never even said a word to her except "Are you okay?"

Well she was definitely the same girl that Big Time ran into a few months ago. I'm kind of scared of her.

Saturday Night

My plans for Saturday went like this:

- 9 A.M.: Wake up, clean the apartment
- 10 A.M.: Go do overtime at work
- 2 P.M.: Go excercise at the gym
- 4 P.M.: Go to batting cages
- 5 P.M.: Stop by my boy's house to watch football
- 7 P.M.: Play poker
- 10 P.M.: Go out with Ike and whoever else

This is how Saturday went:

10 A.M.: Woke up, played poker and watched football in my room
2 P.M.: Fell asleep
6 P.M.: Woke up
7 P.M.: Went to the batting cage


While I was at the batting cage, an old friend of mine who is a three-pointer fa sho called and wanted to have a drink right by the cages. So I'm like...you know, I'm on a diet and not trying to drink really....okay let's go.

So I get to this placed called the Springbok (which ironically has nothing to do with Asians) and she already has the six pack of budweiser on the table.



Just a brief history, this friend, we'll call her "Diablos" because she plays for the Diablos in my co-ed softball league. So Diablos is a very competitive young lady. Both times we have gone out together, she has tried to drink me under the table unsuccessfully. The first time, she broke her rear view mirror off. The second time she called her ex-boyfriend for a ride (weeeeak).

So once I see the six pack of buds, I know it's on. We start drinking and finish the six pack and of course I'm kind of egging her on that she is way behind me. Then we do some shots of "Tulaca" or something like that? Tolaca? Taluca? I don't know, but we did like four shots of those. So she's finally drunk and she tells me she wants to fight someone, that this is how she gets when she's drunk.

I think it's kind of funny but I didn't realize how serious she is.

She starts yelling at every girl in the bar. And these are not like regular club girls. These are like middle-aged single women that got baby sitters for their kids and are trying to have a night away, so I feel kind of bad about her behavior.

So she yells at this plus-sized woman.

"Your shoes suck, those are for bowling!"

Nice.

The lady comes over and says:

"I heard you like my shoes."

Uh oh.

Diablo says: "I guess they're kind of cute."

Phew.

Now the woman is kind of flattered and says: "Twenty bucks!" with a smile on her face.

Diablo: "But why the fuck are you wearing those pants??"

Alriiiiiiiiiiight time to go.

So I usher her out of there and she seems drunk. I tell her that I'm going to give her a ride home (she lives close) and she is refusing me. What am I supposed to do here? I am trying to tell her I need to give her a ride but she won't let me and is starting to act like she's getting mad at me! She won't even let me come sober up at her place because she's mad at the world for no apparent reason. So she takes off and I'm back at the bar trying to sober up.

That's when I meet Cowboy.

For the life of me, I can't figure out why I didn't take a picture of Cowboy. He's about 50 years old (looks 70) missing teeth, 5'8" 130, wearing a leather vest with no under shirt and a cowboy hat that is older than him. He caught my attention by shooting a corner shot behind the back at the pool table when I was walking to the bathroom. So I told him "Nice shot Cowboy!" and apparently he thought we were best friends at this point.

He told me that he couldn't believe I was drinking water, it's for the horses. He has a long island in one hand and a beer in the other. Cowboy asks me if I puff the cheeba and I'm like "uh..." and before you know it we're outside and Cowboy is firing up. Please keep in mind that I'm drunk off my arse.

So during our conversation I find out that:

a) Cowboy is homeless and sleeps in a tent
b) He has killed a man
c) The best way to kill is silently

Okay, I'm taking notes Cowboy. Cowboy is quizzing me on these things when he decided it would be a good idea to show me how to shoot a bow and arrow.

This is when I kind of decided it was going too far and that I might need to head back inside. But he's showing me the most efficient ways of shooting a bow as well as a cross-bow. So here Cowboy and I are, drunk as hell and aiming imaginary bow and arrows at the tree across the street. Not to mention we are in front of someone's house smoking the bob marley.

Eventually I just had to tell Cowboy that I gotta piss and I basically made a break for it and hopped in my car and drove home. I stopped at McDonald's but fell asleep as soon as I walked in the front door and luckily for my diet I didn't touch the Mickey D's.

So yeah, that was my weekend.. part of it.

Corner Sleeper also whooped me in "Rally Points" tennis, which I think is a game that he made up so that he would be able to play me without facing my serve. This is kind of like if you were going to play someone in basketball but they were like "Okay, free throws only." But I will get a rematch and cater my game to "Rally Points."

I played a lot of Full Tilt also. I'll have details tomorrow.

Hope everyone had a good weekend, peace.