Table Image Part 1

To most people, I probably look like an idiot.

I'm Chinese and white, a lot of people think I'm latino and I dress in baggy clothes and fitted baseball hats.



As soon as I sit down at a poker table, people stereotype me, as we all do to the other players at any given table. The key is figuring out how they are figuring me out. What stereotype are they giving me? Ah, that's easy. I'm the young donkey who bluffs every hand.

The old white guy in seat three thinks that I'm a young fish with wreckless play. He will call me down with top pair at all times. He thinks I'll chase anything, so he's going to try to price me out whenever we're in a hand together. To his advantage, he knows that I'm willing to put in all on the line in a stone-cold bluff. Therefore, he will collect my chips if I do this against him and he holds a decent hand. He has little to zero respect for me as a poker player and thinks that the players of my image are nothing but donators to his beloved game of poker. Not to mention, he's mad at me because a guy who resembles me took his granddaughter to her high school prom in which she was arrested for an underage DUI because he bailed on her after the dance.



The 35-year-old Asian guy in seat one respects my play but he thinks he can outplay me. He won't hesitate to re-raise me and out of the players at the table, he has the most understanding of my game. He sees me as a young player who knows what I'm doing but also believes I have the capability to make a move on a pot. He'll do his best to stay out of big pots against me although he will mix it up when he picks up a good read.

The middle-aged lady in seat two doesn't believe anything I say or do. I could show her pocket aces face up and she wouldn't believe me. She will call me all the way down every time and when I win the pots, she will blame the dealer, forcing me to tip him an extra dollar or two. She thinks I am a complete bluffer. However, she won't risk her entire stack unless she has two pair or better. She hates me and in turn, I'm not too happy about her showing off her 1955 cleavage special.

Seat four is a great player. He is in his mid-20's, apparently quite understanding of the game and all of the players at the table. He is mixing his play up and getting under the other players' skin. He has made some moves that I've noticed, but no one has had a hand good enough to pick him off. He is the best player at the table and clearly above the level of game that we are playing. Wait, I'm sitting in seat four. Nevermind.



Seat five is a white guy in his mid-20's. He actually sees me as a cool guy that he can relate to because we're the same age and we both listen to rap...and neither of us are black. He loves to talk and for some moronic reason, he thinks I love to listen. This is how I know he's a f*cking idiot. He is the type of player that when the flop is 9-9-4 he goes into a stage-three seizure because he folded 9-4 off-suit and he then proceeds to whine like a rug rat after the hand even though the pot was a total of $11. He's telling me everything from what he has in his hand, to what he thinks other people have in their hand. In fact, he talks so much that when we're in a pot together, he tells me what he has when he has a monster. He thinks I'm a good player and therefore does not bluff me but rather says "I know you got the nuts" anytime I bet into him. Seat five is the nicest guy at the table and for some reason I hate him because he just won't shut up.

There's a dealer in seat six. He's a shark but he goes on tilt quite easily. Once he's on tilt, his money is up for grab's. He respects my play but he has a lot of info on me because he's seen me play so much. He's waiting for me, just like everyone else. He's a little more dangerous than the other players but I know he won't chase much so if he hangs in with me after the flop I know he has a hand. On the other hand, he has no idea what I'm holding if I mix it up right. But unlike the other non-believers, he's able to fold top pair to a big bet. I probably have to be careful with him.

Seat seven is a sexy chick that is about 25. She's horrible at poker but she's read a couple books. Her money is free and she gets irate when I raise her. Probably because we're in the same age group, she expects me to play nice with her, to respect her bets, etc. That's not gonna happen. Every time I raise her she gets irritated and folds. I'd love to tell her "stop playing so shitty and I'll stop raising you," but I just can't find the words. At least she's distracting seat eight for me.

The eight seat is a kid who's 22 at the oldest. I'm guessing he has a lot of internet experience but all of his knowledge is going out the window because he's too busy trying to flirt with seat seven. This guy's not even paying attention to me but he does bet aggresively whenever he's in a hand. His continuation bets are extremely obvious and he folds to just about any re-raise. He slow plays the nuts and I'm not going to bite, although he thinks I will. He's waiting for me to bluff when he has a hand but his style of play is so transparent that I can damn near play his hands better than him without knowing what his cards are.

Seat nine is an old guy that's falling asleep. I don't even think he knows I'm at the table. All he's doing is waiting on the nuts and then shoving. I'll just let him enjoy his nap.