Getting Rejected by Strippers

Last night was quite interesting, to say the least.

My boy Tweezy and I hit up “Sam’s Hofbrau” in downtown L.A. and had some fun although there was one thing that was a bit disturbing to me.



Based on the fact that neither of us are either rich or celebrities, we’ve had our adventures throughout the past five years trying to get into clubs, getting rejected by girls, bouncers, doormen, door women, etc. You get the idea.

Sometimes the doorman will look us up and down until they find something they can use to keep us out. Jeans are too baggy. No t-shirts. No tennis shoes. No hats. No baggy shirts. No shirts with a collar. Then some B-list actor walks by in a white t-shirt and dirty tennis shoes. That’s just the way it is in L.A. The clubs want hot chicks and celebrities. Unfortunately neither Tweez nor I fall into either category.

So we’re at the strip club, which I’m not too accustomed to (this is probably my sixth trip to a strip club) and this place is pretty packed. It’s a free strip club with pool tables and honestly the spot is pretty grimey. Boys are in there with tats on their heads, necks, eyes, whatever. There are some fine girls, some beasts, some chicks that have bullet wounds, some that look like they should play for the Lakers, etc. This place covers everything.



But don’t get me wrong, there are a few fine women in attendance that we have our eyes on.

I had just booked a winning session and I told Tweez I want to get him a lap dance on me. This is my guy and there is nothing more I’d enjoy than putting a smile on his face.

Only one minor problem.

The strippers are ignoring us.

Who the hell gets ignored by strippers? WTF? Am I in some twisted dream where I’m invisible? Did I step in dog shit? Did I develop Halitosis while playing poker?

I would argue that we look young and broke, but we don’t. Tweez is straight from work with his button up tucked in to his slacks and I’m as fly as ever.

Let’s not avoid the fact that I don’t really know what I’m doing. How do you get a stripper’s attention? Flag her down? Grab her butt? Wave a dollar? Bird call? I have no idea.

Regardless, strippers are just walking by us like we’re the bar bus boys. No eye contact, no smiles, no nada.

Granted, we did get there at 1:00 a.m. so maybe the other guys in the club had been putting in work all night...a dollar here, a dollar there and the strippels will show you love. We even went as far as putting like $80 in $1's and $20's on the table. No help.

I’m on my Red Bull and Corona special in a great mood and the music is good, so despite the fact that I’m apparently a ghost, I’m still having fun. Looking but getting noooo love, which is probably a good thing.

But it was almost as if we weren’t even there. Maybe I wasn’t. Maybe it was a dream. No, it couldn’t have been because “Sierra” did come talk to us for a while. Unfortunately for Tweez’s free lap dance, she was the only one that came to talk to us.

Then before we even had time to regroup and hook Tweez up, it was 2 a.m. and the club was closing.

At least I saved money. Now I have $40 in one dollar bills and a strip club complex that I can’t even give away money to a chick that is doing back flips on a pole for $1 tips.

Just another typical mission for us.

Poker

Last night I played a four-hour session at Hollywood Park and pocketed a $228 profit. I started at the $200 and lost $200. Then I made it back and then some at the $400 table. I actually won $50 on side bets. I bet that the flop would miss a three, eight, and queen and it missed once for $10 and then again for $40. This guy Omar wanted to bet $100 on it but I didn’t have the balls.

I forgot that I lost $40 playing cards at lunch time. So I’ll take that off my numbers. What a degenerate.

Day one: +$570 (4 hours) (BR: $770)
Day two: +$629 (5 Hours) (BR: $1399)
Day three: +$240 (6 Hours) (BR: $1639)
Day Four/Five: +2383 (BR: $4022)
Day Six: Didn't play (0)
Day Seven: -$482 (4 hours) (BR: 3540)
Day Eight: +$325 (1.5 hours) (BR: 3865)
Day Nine: +$431 (2.5 Hours) (BR: 4296)
Day Ten: -$500 (4 Hours) (BR: 3796)
Day 11: Didn't play (0)
Day 12: +$271 (2.5 Hours) (BR: 4067)
Day 13: +$713 (7 Hours) (BR: 4780)
Day 14: Didn't play (0)
Day 15 (Venetian): +1005 (5 Hours) (BR: 5785)
Day 16 (Bellagio): +982 (5 Hours) (BR: 6767)
Day 17 (Venetian): +302 (9 Hours) (BR: 7069)
Day 18 (Full Tilt): +55 (1 Hour) (BR: 7124; Online BR: 155)
Day 19: +55 (1 Hour) (BR: 7179; Online BR: 155)
Day 20: -315 (6 Hours) (BR: 6864; Online BR: 240)
Day 21 (Full Tilt): -30 (1 Hour) (BR: 6834; Online BR: 210)
Day 22 (Full Tilt): -410 (3 Hours) (BR: $6424; Online BR: $0)
Day 23: +1258 (12.5 Hours) (BR: 7682; Online BR: $0)
- - - - - Switch to $400 no limit ($5/10 blinds) - - - - -
Day 24 ($400 NL): +1515 (6 Hours) (BR: $9197; Online BR: $0)
Day 25: +1803 (5.5 Hours) (BR: $11000; Online BR: $0)
Day 26: Didn't play (0)
Day 27: +$926 (4 Hours) (BR: $11926; Online BR: $0)
Day 28 (Mandalay Bay): +168 (4 Hours) (BR: $12094; Online BR: $0)
Day 29 (Venetian): -410 (4 Hours) (BR: $11684; Online BR: $0)
Day 30 (Venetian): -500 (2 Hours) (BR: $11184; Online BR: $0)
Day 31: +604 (16 Hours) (BR: $11788; Online BR: $0)
Day 32 (Full Tilt): +30 (1.5 Hours) (BR: $11818; Online BR: $230)
Day 33: +$991 (4 Hours) (BR: $12809; Online BR: $293)
Day 34 (Full Tilt): +$42 (0.5 Hours) (BR: $12851; Online BR: $335)
Day 35: +188 (4 Hours) (BR: $13039; Online BR: $335)

Total Hours: 151.5
Total Profit: $12839
Hourly rate: $84.75