Tuesday, June 26, 2007

The Tweezy Tax

At the end of last week I was busting my ass trying to find a hotel that had vacancy in San Diego. Apparently this past weekend was a popular one for Sea World and the San Diego Zoo because every single hotel I called had no vacancy. I even tried getting a $600 suite for myself and my three boys...no vacancy. Finally, the lady at the Holiday Inn gave me the phone number to the San Diego Concierge. The guy at the concierge was great and found me a room at "King's Inn" in San Diego. It sounded bummy but at this point I was happy to have somewhere to sleep.



Big Time and myself arrived later than everyone else because we had to go to San Diego straight from a wedding. Corner Sleeper and Faded T had already checked in and were waiting at the hotel with my best friend from college, Tweezy. A ridiculous character himself, Tweezy is from San Diego and was staying with his mom for the weekend and was not in on the hotel rooms with us (two connected rooms).

After a long drive from Temecula, Big Time and I checked in and despite the fact that the lady working the front desk was a clueless bitch, we got two keys in addition to the four that Corner Sleeper had already received. I figured Corner Sleeper had only received two keys or I never would've asked for extra keys.

We get to the room and the fellas are in the room already drunk with plastic-wrapped bathroom cups filled with cranberry and vodka. To our suprise, Corner Sleeper is wide awake, Faded T is extra faded already and Tweezy is ready to party. Even though we had some champagne at the wedding, Big Time and I have some serious catching up to do.

Anyways, I give Tweezy one of the extra keys in case he leaves and comes back or whatever. I mean, why not? We have two extras. Again, I make a bad decision (I should keep a running tally of bad decisions that I make).

Fast forward to the end of the night. Faded T is beyond drunk. Corner Sleeper is sleepy and Big Time is the designated driver. We're with a big group of people and everyone is there when the club closes.

Except Tweezy.

Where is he? No one knows. After two pizzas and an hour later, we finally hear from him.

"I'm in the hotel room. It's about to go down!"
"What hotel room?"
"King's Inn."
"Our hotel room?!"
"Yeah, I have (anonymous young lady) with me. We're about to get it crackin."
"We're on our way home. Stay in the front room!"


Mind you, we're all drunk at this point so we're looking forward to busting in on Tweezy and his female counterpart. Faded T is so faded that he tried to ride off on the bike of some bike escort that they have in San Diego.



We finally get back to the hotel and we're planning on busting in, so I'm trying to slide my key card in the door as quietly as possible and...nothing happens. I didn't get a green blinking light and I didn't get a red blinking light. There is ALWAYS one or the other. If it's green, you're in, if it's red, you're not.

Nothing happened.

Every one of us tried our cards. None of them worked.

So we go to the adjacent room that we have and try the card and it works fine. But not only has Tweezy managed to somehow disable the key card reader on the first room, but he's dead bolted the door that joins the two rooms. We're assed out with no way into the other room.

So now the four of us that have paid for the two rooms are stuck in one room with two beds while Tweezy is in the other room by himself with two beds and one chick doing what he does.

The rest of the night was somewhat hilarious and will be saved for tomorrow when I have more pictures, but from this point forward I have introduced a new rule for all group vacations:


The Tweezy Tax: When a group of friends are sharing a hotel room(s) and one (or more) friend(s) brings company back and needs privacy. Should the remaining friends be forced to sleep in the remaining hotel room(s) over capacity, said friend will be issued the "Tweezy Tax" of 50%* of the room fees.
*In the exception that said friend only spends 10 minutes to an hour in privacy, he will only be Tweezy Taxed 25%.

I didn't play last night. Did laundry and got some sleep. I'm going back tonight.

Day one: +$570 (4 hours) (BR: $770)
Day two: +$629 (5 Hours) (BR: $1399)
Day three: +$240 (6 Hours) (BR: $1639)
Day Four/Five: +2383 (BR: $4022)
Day Six: Didn't play (0)
Day Seven: -$482 (4 hours) (BR: 3540)
Day Eight: +$325 (1.5 hours) (BR: 3865)
Day Nine: +$431 (2.5 Hours) (BR: 4296)
Day Ten: -$500 (4 Hours) (BR: 3796)
Day 11: Didn't play (0)

Total Hours: 46
Total Profit: $3596
Hourly rate: $78.17

No comments: