Is Kobe a bitch? I used to think so.
You are not Michael Jordan. He used to take the whole “Be Like Mike” thing way too far with all the hard ass gum chomping, the tongue wagging and everything. You would think being Kobe Bryant was good enough. But this guy wanted to be Kobe Bryant and Michael Jordan? Some people are greedy but that’s just absurdity in it’s purest form.
Kobe gets his knot rocked by Chris Childs.
In this fight, Kobe throws the weakest punch/elbow that I have ever seen. He was face-to-face with Childs and barely even grazed him with his elbow. Childs promptly came back with the chin-check, Boise State style. Bitch.
However, let’s not forget the fact that Kobe won three NBA championships by the time he was 24 years-old. When I was 24 I was begging for a job in car insurance and spending my nights watching “How High.” Karl Malone is nearly 50 and the only ring he’s seen is on his wife’s finger. So for winning three championships by 24, Kobe is definitely gangster. Yeah, it helps to have some seven-foot guy with the nickname “Shaq” on your team, but everyone needs a little help.
Kobe gets accused of rape in Colorado. Rape is definitely a bitch move. However, it came out that the accuser/alleged victim had several different semen stains on her panties. I have to say that this always made me question her. What legit female has several different semen samples on her panties? How do those get there? This was definitely a WTF moment. This Kobe landmark was inconsequential. He gets a pass for this one based on her hoeish history. However…
Kobe accuses Shaq of paying off mistresses to keep their mouths shut about their relationships with him. BITCH MOVE!!! Nuff said.
Kobe says that either he leaves or Shaq leaves and as a result the Lakers trade Shaq to Miami. I think I may have just made this up. I can’t remember if Shaq demanded a trade or what so we’ll give Kobe a pass on this one too. But the Lakers missed the playoffs in their first year without Shaq and the Heat won the title in their second year with Shaq. The results speak for themselves.
VS.
Raja Bell floors Kobe with no remorse in a pivotal playoff game. There was really nothing Kobe could do about this situation. He never saw it coming. But the fact that he never retaliated and none of his teammates even went after Bell makes me throw this one in the Bee-eye-itch category. I mean Raja took bitch slapping to a whole ‘nother level. I think I speak for millions when I say that it was about time someone just gave it to Kobe. It was a pretty cheap shot though. Lol.
Kobe for the kids. I used to work for a hip-hop station in L.A. (KDAY) and worked an event with Kobe Bryant. At the time I really disliked Kobe and was only looking forward to the free Nikes and sweats. I have to say that he seemed pretty sincere about giving shoes out and making this appearance, which of course was promoted by Nike. But I have never seen anything like hundreds of kids sprinting out of the mall to catch a glimpse of Kobe, then chanting “KO-BE! KO-BE! KO-BE!” for 15 minutes straight. Lamar Odom and Caron Butler might as well have stayed home and watched it on TV. Not to mention the fact that every Laker fan I know would undoubtedly take a bullet for Kobe. I have friends that have named their emails after him. My godfather hates D.Wade simply for the fact that he gets compared to Kobe. I’m gonna give Kobe the gangster nod on this one.
Kobe scores 81 points. This is about as gangster as it gets. Of course you could say 100 would be more gangster but that’s just ridiculous. I didn’t even score 81 points in my high school career. My intramural team in college never reached 81. If you still think 81 is nothing, consider this: Kobe was only three years old in ’81, yet somehow he still scored 81 points in a single game. Chew on that.
And finally…this week’s trade demand debacle.
Kobe really provided the media with an entire arsenal of material this week. Not only did he make every single NBA fan completely forget about the NBA conference finals, but he made the Iraq War disappear and deflected the spotlight from Lindsay Lohan’s second stint in rehab before the age of 21. Now that is really saying something.
The rumors started off as just Kobe wanting to be traded. I thought to myself, “Typical Kobe. Wants all the attention because he’s out of the playoffs.” But when it came out why he wanted to be traded, I finally had some admiration for Kobe Bryant after ten years of thinking he was a bitch. The man has basically been eating a shit sandwich from the media for running Shaq out of town when apparently it was never his idea and he had nothing to do with it. He never said anything until now and I have to admire that. He just took it raw and hard. It wasn’t like he didn’t have other problems to deal with (i.e. a rape trial, crazy wife, a horrible team, free agency) and yet he never deflected the blame onto who it really should have been given to—Laker owner Jerry Buss. And where is Jerry Buss? Getting arrested on a DUI. I guess that’s what happens when you have one of the most recognized players in the history of sports demanding a trade from your team.
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